This Is What It Feels Like To Be Happy
by Salamander Starfish
Summary: Short piece wherein Kurt lets his eyes wander around his room at Dalton and decides that he is, indeed, happy. Oneshot.


It was 5 in the morning and Kurt Hummell was lying awake, taking in his surroundings. He had been at Dalton Academy for a couple of months now, but everything around him still had a glow of newness and excitement to it.

Looking left he could see a gorgeous sunrise beginning directly outside his window. As cheesy as he felt doing it, Kurt couldn't help comparing himself with it. Coming to Dalton felt like the dawn of a bright, new, beautiful chapter in his life. Below the window, on his sturdy oak desk, Kurt glanced at his brand new MacBook Pro. It had been his big Christmas gift from his father and Carol. It had been getting difficult to complete his written assignments using only the computer labs provided by the school, but rather than getting the least expensive model they could find, his parents had gone out of their way to make sure they got their son the best model on the market, no matter the cost. Remembering the feeling of opening that specific present on Christmas morning brought a full-sized smile to the boy's face.

On the wall just next to the window hung one of his most prized possessions: his poster from Wicked. It wasn't even that he thought the show was the best he'd ever seen, but it struck a chord with him. Sometimes Kurt found himself wondering if he had a lot in common with Elphaba. Apparently a hell of a lot of people saw what he was as 'evil', as he learned full well at McKinley, but he knew in his heart that he was good. Then there was 'Defying Gravity'... He mentally shook himself to ward off the bittersweet memory.

Further along that same wall was the framed family photo from his father and Carol's wedding. This one had been taken haphazardly, just after Finn's rendition of that Bruno Mars song. The official one, taken by the paid photographer, hadn't turned out as nicely. It was stiff. To the untrained eye it would look nice, but to those in the know it was clear from Burt's forced smile and Finn's excessive awkwardness that the incident with Karofsky in the halls of McKinley hadn't been forgotten. In all honesty, Burt had kept his stepson at arm's length after finding that the boy had turned a bit of a blind eye to Kurt's problems with the homophobic jock. That was why this somewhat blurry, somewhat tilted, rather disorganized picture was so much better; everyone in it was genuinely, sublimely happy. Just like they had done at the altar during the ceremony, all of them were holding hands. It wasn't a formal photo. It wasn't perfect. It was just _them_. A real family.

On the floor behind his desk was a monstrosity of a rug. The faux-tiger skin (complete with faux head and tail) had been a dorm-warming gift to Kurt from Wes and David. It was maybe the tackiest gift he had ever been given, but to be honest, the ugly thing meant too much to him to simply roll it up and shove it in the back of his (admittedly full to the brim) closet. He hadn't been expecting to make too many friends right away at Dalton. To be blunt, the impression that Kurt had gotten was that students didn't come from families in his own tax bracket, never mind having common interests. He hadn't even expected Wes and David to remember him, and yet they had greeted him at the school's front gates when he came to movie in. Armed with their rather unique gift, their presence had honestly alleviated a great deal of Kurt's stress. He would never really admit it to them, but that simple gesture had been enough to make him tear up a little bit in bed that night. These boys knew literally nothing about him except that he was a lousy spy and that he was gay, and yet they had gone out of their way to make him feel welcome. Comparing it to the receptions he would receive from near-strangers at McKinley made the boy tear up a little bit again. This really was an amazing place.

The most amazing part of this amazing place happened to be right next to him at that moment, snoring softly. Kurt and Blaine had been up incredibly late studying for French. Along with the two boys, the bed was strewn with flashcards and open textbooks. Looking at his sleeping companion, curled tightly up to his side, Kurt thought about all the things that this boy meant to him. Sure, he had the world's most massive crush on him, but there was way more to it than that. There existed a very mutual need between the two of them. Why Kurt had needed Blaine was obvious. The older boy gave him courage, guidance, and a shoulder to cry on when things got to be too much. Not so obvious was what Blaine needed from Kurt. To the untrained eye, Blaine was a calm, intelligent, outgoing teenager. Over the last couple of months, though, Kurt had been able to see beneath that exterior. That's not to say that Blaine wasn't all of those things, but he was other things as well. Like stifled, lonely, and self-conscious. What Blaine needed and got from Kurt was someone with whom he didn't feel any of the latter three things. With Kurt he could be completely himself. He hadn't even realized just how much of himself he had been compromising to fit in at Dalton, but Kurt's stampeding into his life had woken him up, so to speak. There simply weren't words to describe how good it made Kurt feel to know that he could be something that the other boy needed.

Sure, the crush was serious, but Kurt could honestly do without a romantic relationship with Blaine. For the first time in his life he was utterly content with this. The idea of being content with friendship in someone to whom he was attracted had never held much appeal to Kurt before, but Blaine was different. He wanted the boy in his life, whatever the capacity.

Looking over at the other boy's mop of curly hair, completely unkempt after a night of nearly tearing it out in frustration over his French homework, Kurt smiled. It was slightly alarming how much Blaine had come to mean to him over such a short period of time, but it was more exciting than anything. He no longer worried about trying to please Blaine in order to maintain their friendship. It was clear that all Blaine wanted was for Kurt to be absolutely himself. Never in his life had Kurt been able to feel so comfortable and _relaxed _in anyone's presence before. Even his own. Where he used to be somewhat dissatisfied with himself as a person, Blaine made him feel completely _good _about himself. He didn't have to think as much before speaking. He didn't have to steer conversations in directions that were more comfortable to the other person. He could say whatever he wanted, talk about whatever he wanted, without worrying about whether or not the other boy would be interested. He was always interested. Maybe not in what Kurt was talking about, but the fact that Kurt wanted to talk about it was enough to pique his interest.

Honestly, sometimes Kurt didn't think he deserved it. He knew full well that he deserved _something _after his life in Lima, but this was almost too much. _Blaine_ was almost too much. He kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it never did. For the first month of knowing the boy, Kurt had been sure that there had to be some kind of catch. No way would a person that incredible just walk into his life (well, technically it was the other way around, but still), want to be his friend, and not have some kind of serious mental defect or something. But that's what happened. It was seriously almost enough to make Kurt reconsider his position on whether or not god truly existed.

Blaine gave a particularly loud snore and curled up closer to Kurt's body. Looking over at his alarm clock, seeing that it was now nearly six in the morning, Kurt decided that he should force himself to get at least an hour of sleep. After quietly moving all of the books and papers from his bed to the floor, Kurt pulled the throw blanket that he kept folded at the end of his bed over himself and Blaine. As he shut his eyes, he smiled. _This is what it feels like to be happy._


End file.
